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Privacy Policy - Example of How to Make Your Privacy Policy More Interesting

Wait... you WON'T find private parts on the internet?...


HyperWeb's Privacy Policy

The GDPR has made the internet confusing as hell to some people, so we thought we’d break down our policy for you all in plain English to understand what we do with your data.

Check it out below.

Funny Privacy Policy

Who the heck are we, and why do we need your data?

For now, HyperWeb is just one person running this website along with a few assistants helping with day-to-day maintenance and marketing. The only person who has access to your data is Kyle Arnold.

Along with SEO, I (Kyle Arnold) run my own email, Facebook, Instagram, & LinkedIn advertising and marketing.

We couldn’t care less about stealing your identity, we're busy enough with our own lives as it is, let alone trying to fraudulently impersonate someone else’s.

If we wanted to create a fake persona we could do that without your help by using AI, buying random email accounts, grabbing some cheap sim cards, and using https://thispersondoesnotexist.com/

We could even create cat personas: https://thiscatdoesnotexist.com/

Stealing your money? - Nah

You have probably caused your own problems with this thanks to the horrendous password you have repetitively used for every account you have ever created because it is 'ToO mUcH wOrK' to use a password manager like LastPass...

Hackers have likely been siphoning money out of your account for years without you even noticing thanks to this.

Timeframe to hack passwords based on difficulty:

Aside from advertising to you, the only reason that we have and/or use your data is so that you can consume the information that we provide, as well as to communicate with you after you have made contact with us.

The main purpose of this site is:

  • To show you that I (Kyle Arnold) know what I'm talking about
  • Generate business for myself once you see how good I am – Hopefully you call, text, or email me to get started working together.
  • To share some Knowledge, news, and updates.
  • Publishing other cool magic SEO info and tips on our blog.

I know right? - So selfish.

Are Cookies Used?

Yeah, nah... we use biscuits instead aye. They help provide content that loads fast while looking pretty sweet. No dodgy stuff. We promise.

Am I Being Tracked?

You are on a digital marketers site, so of course you are being tracked...

We wouldn’t be doing our job right if this wasn’t happening.

We track you for a few reasons:

For analytical data such as Google Analytics:

Allowing us to see what pages you went to on our site, where you came from, and where you left. We need to do this so that we can constantly improve our site and make it better/easier to use.


We use tracking pixels such as a Facebook pixel, LinkedIn Pixel, Google remarketing, TikTok pixels in order to run adverts to you on social media...

This means that our ads can actually follow you around the web once you visit our website if and when we want them to.

Have a problem with that? - Go and sue the tech giants that built these systems, and good luck with that... hopefully you have a lot of cash to burn, because they have a near unlimited supply. 

If you really want to have a panic attack about data tracking, Google search HotJar and how we can watch browser session recordings too! Cool, Creepy... All the good things

Retargeting Meme

Does HyperWeb Personally Store Your Information?

If you contact us, yes. If you don’t then we don’t.

Facebook, Google, and other socials will most likely take your IP address and store it on behalf of HyperWeb without either of us knowing. If we had that info, we wouldn’t even know what to do with it so it doesn’t really matter.

If you contact us, we have your email, name, phone number, and whatever message you send. 

We don't spam you unless you specifically ask - (and pay us) to do so...

What do we do with any of your data?

Usually, we talk to you.

You would most likely be contacting us and sharing your data if you needed help. 

Otherwise, we'll try to use what ever tracking info we have and pay money to advertise to you and eventually show you something that makes you become a customer. 

What about if you don’t want us to have your info?

If you don’t want us to have your info, then we don’t want your info. It’s that simple, just let us know and we’ll manually remove it.

As for whatever the heck Google, Facebook, and others grab about you… Well, we don’t control any of that, so good luck with them.

If you want to try and prevent them from having your data, your best bet is to:

  • Delete any and all apps related to them.
  • Burn, smash, melt or destroy any laptops, computers, smart devices and smart appliances you have.
  • Buy a tent and go live in the woods until Google’s AI robots come and assimilate you.

All the best ;-)


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HyperWeb is a professional SEO company based in Auckland, New Zealand. Get in contact with an SEO specialist today to help with your website's rankings in Google. Start generating more traffic, leads, and sales.
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